When Enough is Enough: Dialing into the Potent Mastery of What's in front of You

As I share this with all of you, I'm in the urgent psychological state of knowing that sparked this posting.   I feel the potent resonance of this truth as I speak it to you and I share it with gratitude for its willingness to hold vigil with my soul until I apprehend its meaning.  

Here it is: The mind's construction of a fantasized life other than the one that is being delivered right in front of you is one of the greatest distractions to your fullest engagement with reality.  And when you are disengaged with reality, you are unhappy and when you are unhappy your tendency to act out is greater and when you act out suffering visits its bitterness upon your life.  

So, in the midst of this incisive knowing, I want to share a paradox rising within me -- because truth loves making its nest in paradox. My life is not where I want it to be - Career, Fatherhood, Family, Play, Spiritual enlightenment, etc -- all those areas and more fall short of where I want to be.  I fantasize about a different life. Thud!

 ...Now, some of this dynamic relates to the fact that I'm more aware than ever that I'm aging and the urgency that comes with this territory applies a pressure to my life that makes achievement of that image I'm after just not possible in the timeframe that is demanded.  …And then there are the things outside my control that cause irritating delays…  …And then there's the fact that I'm an idealist…  ...I don't want to get lost here in the obstacles because that is not the main point of this posting -- but it is helpful peripheral information that makes the central insight all the more delicious.

The point is this:  When I relax into the elegant embodiment of LIFE living itself THROUGH me and displaying its magic TO me as if it were a play where I'm both the main character as well as the audacious audience, I see with a kind of delicate transparency that THIS IS ENOUGH, and I'm slowly and disarmingly brought to my knees.  In fact, the question of "enoughness" disappears quite radically in this territory because the MOMENT at its phenomenological root IS fullness.  There is no where to go, but here and HERE is where the fantasized satisfaction of achieving my potential actually exists!!!!  We are always being and becoming…  So, relax with me friends into the muddled dissatisfaction of this moment…  For it will pass, and if we lean in long enough we are visited by something more real and eternal in its longevity.  Bring on the moment cuz it is enough!

The vibrant life underneath Fear

When the veil of fear is lifted, you must watch closely.  You may not get another chance like it in a very long time.  …And, if you can hold your gaze for long enough, you can create a new reference point and thus chisel away at least one of its mighty strongholds.

This happened to me once and I've never been the same…  I was at work one day and noticed something different about my demeanor, my heart rate, and my pace.  This was not something that came about by willful force or intentional aspiration.  Rather, there was, a kind of mysterious visitation from an unknown relative within my psyche.  The emergence of this family member immediately slowed down the pusher -- that psychological part within me that likes me to respond to all of life with a sense of urgency.  There I was with a pile of work the size of Everest and for some strange reason I felt no longer compelled to attack it.  Instead, I quite naturally with the help of this new advocate took a one task at a time approach just seeing what I could realistically get done and accepting the fact that I would not complete it.  I was somewhat in shock with the suddenness of the switch.  What happened to the guy that hated feeling "behind" in his work?  What happened to forcing it beyond my means?

Truthfully, I am not sure what caused such a significant shift and I'm not sure that really matters at this point.   It is more important to describe the landscape that emerged as I gazed further into its infinite horizons.  The first falling star was fear of failure.  Simply put, there was no such thing as failure in this arena but rather the simple acknowledgement of my fundamental limitedness as a human being.  Previous to this moment, I was prone to fighting and pointing fingers.  Settling on a "systemic" origin of my troubles provided a temporary relief for me to feel good about myself and thus could consider myself a"success" in my own right.  However, this language and the experience itself becomes like sand between the fingertips when you're looking at life from this angle.  Instead, what matters most is the light but ever present pulse of being there-- not just witnessing what is happening in front of you as a member of the audience but rather staying embodied within the oscillation between the animation of soul through you as well as watching soul animate itself in life -- classic subject-object relations transforming into a kind of non-dual well of unification.

Staying with this pulse is an elusive project -- especially if your view, like mine has been dominated life-limiting forces.  The next fear that fell away was fear of rejection.  Instead of being motivated first by the internal pressure to be accommodating and pleasing to others in order to win approval, there I was just doing my thing with full acknowledgment that I simply cannot get to everyone's needs and that inevitably this means that others will not think favorably of me.   How liberating!

So, hold your gaze my friends!  When fear leaves the scene, we are greeted with the incredible opportunity to pierce reality from a more open and precise vantage point.  And in that precision,  we are faced with the summons to drop into life more authentically…  There is a preciousness there that is truly a treasure to behold!