The Sweet Spot of Career Discernment - Where Aspiration meets Equanimity

I really enjoy working with clients that seek to engage deeply with the arduous process of career transition. In order to ensure that these transitions are not the activation of another "rinse-repeat" cycle (i.e. where you do the same things and end up in similar places), you must thoughtfully engage and gain access to the deep, reflective experience called career discernment.

Discernment comes from the Latin "Discernere" which literally means "to set apart, divide, distinguish, separate" as you would in a sifting process.  So, the essence of discernment is to sift through insights, intuitions, somatic experiences, and external events to determine the coherent narrative meaning of the key messages emerging from both the individual and collective soul.  It is important to remember that "discernment" is often a long process that contains many detours and unexpected curves and as such does not align well with the dominant culture's discernment paradigm which prefers the linear progression of immediate solutions that bring productivity and success.  This is where learning "The Sweet Spot of Career Discernment" becomes most important.

The Sweet Spot of Career Discernment is the point at which Aspiration meets Equanimity. Metaphorically, this spot is the fiery furnace that keeps burning for the whole winter season despite shortages in fuel and a biting, hard cold.   Expressed in terms of the body, the sweet spot of career discernment can be found in the Staff pose in Yoga (see photo to right). Staff pose beautifully expresses both the deep longing of aspiration in the reach of the arms toward the sky as well as the grounded and stabilizing posture of equanimity in the "staff-like" tautness of the hips, legs and spine.  I encourage you to try this pose to get a somatic sense of the truth of holding this tension.

To engage Career Discernment well (i.e. finding its sweet spot), we must hold it like an overnight vigil (see photo to the left)-- waiting, waiting, waiting for the clarifying messages to emerge while staying deeply rooted in that aspirational voice within that knows your deepest yearnings and passions. Equanimity is engaged both in the patience of the waiting but also in the "not getting attached" to the arrival of the messages within a particular timeframe.  It is not uncommon to attend a few career discernment "vigils" and to leave more confused than when you came.  This is part of the process, too  - doubt and uncertainty are necessary for precise clarity to make itself manifest. Equanimity makes space for the discernment pendulum to swing without getting emotionally involved in the swinging.    Equanimity trusts the process long-term and is not thrown about by obstacles, detours and seeming lack of clarity.

So, it is with strong encouragement that I invite all of you going through a career transition to visit the "Sweet Spot of Career Discernment."  From a practical perspective,  you will need to establish and practice the environmental conditions that create your perfect vigil making space.  Remember that vigils are a practice of "devotionally watching" for important information to be spoken from the soul. Holding vigil can begin with a nightly meditation practice and develop into morning journal reflections.  The form of the practice is not the issue here, it is a matter of setting up the program so that both Aspiration and Equanimity are fully engaged and can swing freely and mightily!  For more information on working in this beautiful tension, consider joining the Soulstice Project (a coaching group for Career Discernment) or meeting with Chris Peraro for individual
coaching and/or counseling.

When Enough is Enough: Dialing into the Potent Mastery of What's in front of You

As I share this with all of you, I'm in the urgent psychological state of knowing that sparked this posting.   I feel the potent resonance of this truth as I speak it to you and I share it with gratitude for its willingness to hold vigil with my soul until I apprehend its meaning.  

Here it is: The mind's construction of a fantasized life other than the one that is being delivered right in front of you is one of the greatest distractions to your fullest engagement with reality.  And when you are disengaged with reality, you are unhappy and when you are unhappy your tendency to act out is greater and when you act out suffering visits its bitterness upon your life.  

So, in the midst of this incisive knowing, I want to share a paradox rising within me -- because truth loves making its nest in paradox. My life is not where I want it to be - Career, Fatherhood, Family, Play, Spiritual enlightenment, etc -- all those areas and more fall short of where I want to be.  I fantasize about a different life. Thud!

 ...Now, some of this dynamic relates to the fact that I'm more aware than ever that I'm aging and the urgency that comes with this territory applies a pressure to my life that makes achievement of that image I'm after just not possible in the timeframe that is demanded.  …And then there are the things outside my control that cause irritating delays…  …And then there's the fact that I'm an idealist…  ...I don't want to get lost here in the obstacles because that is not the main point of this posting -- but it is helpful peripheral information that makes the central insight all the more delicious.

The point is this:  When I relax into the elegant embodiment of LIFE living itself THROUGH me and displaying its magic TO me as if it were a play where I'm both the main character as well as the audacious audience, I see with a kind of delicate transparency that THIS IS ENOUGH, and I'm slowly and disarmingly brought to my knees.  In fact, the question of "enoughness" disappears quite radically in this territory because the MOMENT at its phenomenological root IS fullness.  There is no where to go, but here and HERE is where the fantasized satisfaction of achieving my potential actually exists!!!!  We are always being and becoming…  So, relax with me friends into the muddled dissatisfaction of this moment…  For it will pass, and if we lean in long enough we are visited by something more real and eternal in its longevity.  Bring on the moment cuz it is enough!

The vibrant life underneath Fear

When the veil of fear is lifted, you must watch closely.  You may not get another chance like it in a very long time.  …And, if you can hold your gaze for long enough, you can create a new reference point and thus chisel away at least one of its mighty strongholds.

This happened to me once and I've never been the same…  I was at work one day and noticed something different about my demeanor, my heart rate, and my pace.  This was not something that came about by willful force or intentional aspiration.  Rather, there was, a kind of mysterious visitation from an unknown relative within my psyche.  The emergence of this family member immediately slowed down the pusher -- that psychological part within me that likes me to respond to all of life with a sense of urgency.  There I was with a pile of work the size of Everest and for some strange reason I felt no longer compelled to attack it.  Instead, I quite naturally with the help of this new advocate took a one task at a time approach just seeing what I could realistically get done and accepting the fact that I would not complete it.  I was somewhat in shock with the suddenness of the switch.  What happened to the guy that hated feeling "behind" in his work?  What happened to forcing it beyond my means?

Truthfully, I am not sure what caused such a significant shift and I'm not sure that really matters at this point.   It is more important to describe the landscape that emerged as I gazed further into its infinite horizons.  The first falling star was fear of failure.  Simply put, there was no such thing as failure in this arena but rather the simple acknowledgement of my fundamental limitedness as a human being.  Previous to this moment, I was prone to fighting and pointing fingers.  Settling on a "systemic" origin of my troubles provided a temporary relief for me to feel good about myself and thus could consider myself a"success" in my own right.  However, this language and the experience itself becomes like sand between the fingertips when you're looking at life from this angle.  Instead, what matters most is the light but ever present pulse of being there-- not just witnessing what is happening in front of you as a member of the audience but rather staying embodied within the oscillation between the animation of soul through you as well as watching soul animate itself in life -- classic subject-object relations transforming into a kind of non-dual well of unification.

Staying with this pulse is an elusive project -- especially if your view, like mine has been dominated life-limiting forces.  The next fear that fell away was fear of rejection.  Instead of being motivated first by the internal pressure to be accommodating and pleasing to others in order to win approval, there I was just doing my thing with full acknowledgment that I simply cannot get to everyone's needs and that inevitably this means that others will not think favorably of me.   How liberating!

So, hold your gaze my friends!  When fear leaves the scene, we are greeted with the incredible opportunity to pierce reality from a more open and precise vantage point.  And in that precision,  we are faced with the summons to drop into life more authentically…  There is a preciousness there that is truly a treasure to behold!

My Elegant Muse - She had me at "hi"

The clock struck midnight and my house was pierced with a monastic solitude.  I remember feeling a prickly anxiety -- the kind that begs for distraction because it is seemingly so hard to bear. ...I was on my iPhone texting with my brother-in-law, Rob McNamara…  I was expressing to Rob my positive feelings about a shift occurring in my life related to decreasing hours at my full-time job.

With excitement and encouragement, Rob supported my decision and then proclaimed these haunting words from his published book entitled, "The Elegant Self":  "Once the presence of elegance is discovering you an unrelenting and un-wielding commitment must be born between you and your lover if you are to know the secret throne." In his own magically shape-shifting manner, Rob turned on a dime from the sacred to the profane and invited me to come over and hang for some late-night brotherhood connection (via the Xbox 360) to which I playfully responded, "Though I'm tempted, I have to say not tonight, honey."  The truth was that I was getting pretty darn tired and I was also feeling like I needed to soulfully attend to his quote.  His words shook me and I knew I needed to listen more deeply.

So, while we continued to text, I leaned in a bit more -- engaging with light dialogical touches the voice of "elegance" my bro was speaking about.  Of course, the part of me that likes a good chase wrote back to Rob saying, "So how long shall I let her pursue me?"  And, Rob, putting his iPhone Yoda voice on said, "To pretend that it is your choice is the folly."  At that precise moment, a still, quiet presence entered the room and in the span of no longer than three quarters of a second she delivered her sweet homily.  It was one word and her voice sounded so familiar I initially wrote it off as my wife dropping by on her way to a late-night bathroom visit.  However, when I turned around, there was not a soul there.  What?!?  Quickly, I shook off the convulsions of fear that swept through my body and made my way to our bedroom where I witnessed my wife and youngest son in a deep sleep.  Wait a second!  If my wife was asleep, then from whom did this voice emerge????

As I sat with this further (from a state of calm) and put this experience in the context of the unfolding text conversation with Rob -- the visitor's identity became painfully clear.  "Elegance" was making known her presence.  And while I wish I could deliver a profound and lengthy narrative on her visit to me, I have to be honest and tell you that all she said was, "Hi" and then like a thief in the night, she vanished!  …And that was enough.  She literally had me at "hi."  …And so the unrelenting commitment to her was born…

I share this story with you to elucidate a point.  "The Great Self" has many partners and many voices.  If we pay attention the voice of calling will pursue you.  But once you apprehend her, there is no turning back.  You must make your way forward to the "secret throne," trusting that this is your essence and your destiny.