As I share this with all of you, I'm in the urgent psychological state of knowing that sparked this posting. I feel the potent resonance of this truth as I speak it to you and I share it with gratitude for its willingness to hold vigil with my soul until I apprehend its meaning.
Here it is: The mind's construction of a fantasized life other than the one that is being delivered right in front of you is one of the greatest distractions to your fullest engagement with reality. And when you are disengaged with reality, you are unhappy and when you are unhappy your tendency to act out is greater and when you act out suffering visits its bitterness upon your life.
So, in the midst of this incisive knowing, I want to share a paradox rising within me -- because truth loves making its nest in paradox. My life is not where I want it to be - Career, Fatherhood, Family, Play, Spiritual enlightenment, etc -- all those areas and more fall short of where I want to be. I fantasize about a different life. Thud!
...Now, some of this dynamic relates to the fact that I'm more aware than ever that I'm aging and the urgency that comes with this territory applies a pressure to my life that makes achievement of that image I'm after just not possible in the timeframe that is demanded. …And then there are the things outside my control that cause irritating delays… …And then there's the fact that I'm an idealist… ...I don't want to get lost here in the obstacles because that is not the main point of this posting -- but it is helpful peripheral information that makes the central insight all the more delicious.
The point is this: When I relax into the elegant embodiment of LIFE living itself THROUGH me and displaying its magic TO me as if it were a play where I'm both the main character as well as the audacious audience, I see with a kind of delicate transparency that THIS IS ENOUGH, and I'm slowly and disarmingly brought to my knees. In fact, the question of "enoughness" disappears quite radically in this territory because the MOMENT at its phenomenological root IS fullness. There is no where to go, but here and HERE is where the fantasized satisfaction of achieving my potential actually exists!!!! We are always being and becoming… So, relax with me friends into the muddled dissatisfaction of this moment… For it will pass, and if we lean in long enough we are visited by something more real and eternal in its longevity. Bring on the moment cuz it is enough!